Toy soldiers
by ZombieBirb
Summary: In his trion form his steps were always little lighter and his heart easier to bear.


_I apologize for my English_

* * *

Lately, Miwa had found himself wandering around the forbidden zone increasingly often. Not patrolling, not looking for enemies to kill or fights to pick – just taking a leisure walk in the wreckage of a district that was crumbling down more and more every day.

He didn't really know why. He could've been doing something worthwhile if he had so much time to waste – there were plenty of training exercises to do, either solo or with his squad. He could ease someone else's burden and take a couple excessive defense duties. Not to mention all the schoolwork and exams looming on the horizon – he pretty much had his hands full and should have been doing anything else than just strolling around doing nothing. But he didn't.

He was completely aware of all the minutes wasted and he couldn't care less.

Miwa kept a steady but slow pace as he proceeded through the downright miserable scenery. Houses were torn to their foundations, roads were completely plowed and sun dried vegetation ran wild swallowing the ruins. A nearly drained river ran through the neighborhood, it's banks unkempt and the crossing bridge crumbled down to dam most of the flow. He crossed the river with a one trion-polished leap.

He always found himself going to a one certain direction, to one certain residential area near the very center of the forbidden zone, nowadays dubbed as "sector C". He knew it was stupid – to keep going there, knowing what it did to him. But he couldn't stop his feet. He couldn't stop his heart from pulling him back home.

He arrived at the small park at the center of the residential district. Unkempt grass had completely taken over the whole area in four short years. It had never been that fancy nor big, but it had been enough to fulfill the needs of a few dozen children that had lived around the neighborhood. Children who used to play there with stars in their eyes and not a single clue of the calamity future held before them.

Something crunched under his boot. Miwa shook the splinters of a faded plastic toy off his sole.

He sat down leaning to an almost fallen apart slide. A rusty old swing screeched silently in the wind. Overgrown grass sought calmly, like the nature wasn't aware about the terrible things that had happened in that very park, along with the whole city. Or maybe it knew. Maybe nature was making use of the damage to claim back what once was stolen. Even though humanity seemed to have gained the upper hand again and had slowly succumbed back into bliss of security, there were still people left who were aware that the world, as they knew it, could very well end tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then next week. Maybe next month. Next year. There were never a time they were truly safe as long as the threat existed in the multiverse.

Miwa was one of those people. He was a Border agent, rank A; and as a squad captain, he was in the fortunate group that knew first when shit was about to hit the fan. He often had to walk around the HQ, seeing the happy-go-lucky recruits and enthusiastic, just promoted B-ranks gushing with pride and spirit, and all he could think about was how terrified they all will be when they face a real trion soldier for the first time. Only after being baptised in fire they'll realize what it truly meant to be a Border agent. Some of them will scarred for life and quit – some of them might even get hurt, or even die. Some of them will become like him – using their hate strive forward looking for a revenge.

Miwa leaned his head to his arms. Gentle wind danced around him, howling through the empty park. He, too, used to play almost every day in that park. With other children, his friends. With his sister. Nowadays those children were dead, parentless or traumatised, have either became Border agents or moved as far, far away from Mikado city as ever possible. That's how it was – how much everything had changed just four short years ago.

It took a little while until Miwa even registered the alarm. He blamed the place and how it brought up distracting thoughts, but in reality he knew that as a Border agent he should have been more alert. By then, a dark gate had already formed and spat out three ugly Marmoids. They immediately started to crawl towards him as he was the only trion source nearby.

He was technically off-duty, but he was inside the forbidden zone in his trion form, meaning that he had to take care of the shit if shit needed to be taken care of.

He let out a profound sigh and didn't hurry to his feet. Just half a year ago he had been rushing to kill every single neighbor he ever crossed paths with. Now he just pulled out his gun, took a shot through the closest one's trion container. He crouched down a bit, grabbed the hilt of his Kogetsu and waited for the other two to lunge at him. The battle was over in less than half a second.

He sheathed his sword and watched as trion leaked down to the ground from the Marmoids. He gave a small kick to one of them, and let out a satisfied huff when its armor cracked as nothing was keeping it together anymore. He left the carcasses for some on-duty squads to deal with. He needed to hurry back – it was time to _officially _start his duties.

**...**

He slashed air where Yoneya had just been. The next moment there was a spearhead lodged into Miwa's chest.

The simulation ended and the door to the training room opened. Operator Tsukimi Ren gave a slight nod to the two inside and asked:

"Shall I run another simulation?"

Miwa shook his head. "No thank you, this'll be enough for today."

He deactivated his trigger and stepped out, feeling Yosuke's gaze burning into his neck. Miwa tried to escape the confrontation, but a hand on his shoulder rolled him around and forced him to face his friend.

"Dude, you okay?" Yosuke asked, deactivating his trigger too. His expression was hard to read – he had his trademark smile, but his eyes flickered with concern.

"Yeah", Miwa assured with a nod. "Just a little tired."

Yosuke wasn't convinced, but he didn't push further. Miwa quickly claimed his favourite sofa – he definitely needed a nap before defence duty. He heard no footsteps, as Yosuke had not moved from his place. He had seemed quite dumbfounded, and frankly, little surprised for the results of their spar. It wasn't uncommon for Miwa to lose to Yosuke – it just never happened so quickly. They had pretty much equal footing on close combat, so spar matches were always challenging.

Miwa heard Yosuke huff. He seemed to unfreeze back to himself. "So, cafeteria, anyone?"

Kodera and Narasaka both agreed, and Ren politely excused herself. Miwa was already half asleep on the sofa. "_Just a little tired"_ has been some colossive underestimating – he had been dead on his feet for whole day.

It didn't take a long for him to start to twitch and turn.

He was back there. In that house, that only torched ruins represented nowadays.

But now it was whole again – all with a well kept yard, an old Volvo in the garage and a heartfelt neighbor granny waving from behind the fence where she was watering her flower garden.

He was home. With his whole family still safe and sound.

And then a black gate ripped open, striking the ground with burning heat and crackling electricity. The fires, panic and screams – all of them were back, hammering his skull and pulling his insides.

Then, there was she. His sister, laying on the cold asphalt as rain washed streaks of her blood into the sewers. And then there was _him_, the one who coldly pulled Miwa away from his sisters body, no matter how much Miwa begged him to safe her. The one who, with his ever so calm and collected voice, had said : "_There's nothing we can do for her. She's already gone." _

He startled awake in cold sweat. It took a while to register the blanket draped over him and the dimmed lights of the squad room. Ren's computer monitors flickered with bright light as she worked on something at her desk, sound-muffling headset deeply aiming her concentration fully to the task in her hands..

Miwa sat up, letting out a shaky breath. He wiped his forehead and sunk his head into his hands. Just then the door slid open and all lights flashed on, as the rest of his squad returned. Yosuke was laughing and poking Kodera to his shoulder, as Narasaka just sighed and followed them like a parent run out of steam shepherding little kids.

"Welcome back. You'll have a defence duty in ten minutes", Ren announced without looking away from screens or removing her headset.

Miwa glanced at the clock. It was that time already? That meant he had been sleeping almost a full hour. He pushed himself up little too quickly and had to lean to the back of the sofa to steady his head.

Kodera's sniper eyes noticed immediately. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." Miwa quickly shook off the lingering dizziness. "Which sector do we have?"

"C", Tsukimi answered, turning to give Miwa a slightly apologetic look.

Miwa just nodded. He knew Tsukimi tried to avoid having their squad to cover that area, but it couldn't always be helped. Miwa didn't mind that much anymore – he went there everyday anyway, so how could it be any worse?

He pushed himself of the couch and joined the rest of the squad. According the Border regulations they should always have a squad meeting before defence duty, but they never really did unless there had been sightings of new types of trion soldier or something else out of ordinary.

As they walked through the hallways of Border, Yosuke pulled Miwa little behind from the snipers.

"Hey, we can cover the shift if you want to sleep more", Yosuke offered, keeping his voice down since even the slightest sound echoed through the hallways like a drum orchestra of apocalypse.

"No need", Miwa waved the clear concern of his squadmate off. "Thanks for the offer though."

Yosuke nodded, again not convinced.

Squad 7 activated their triggers simultaneously and took off to the very familiar, ruined district.

**...**

Later he found himself sitting at his usual spot on the HQ roof.

The defence duty had been fine. There had not been any alarms or gates, or any need to proceed to _that _part of the district. In the park, three carcasses of Marmoids had already been collected.

It had been fine. Really. But as soon as they were ready and done with their nearly empty report, Miwa had excused himself and fled before anyone could say anything.

He wrapped his scarf more closely around his neck. Wind high up had a biting chill despite of the warm sun. But it wasn't only the coldness that he shuddered from.

He hadn't had a nightmare about his sister for several weeks. Why now?

From the edge of the roof he could see almost the whole forbidden zone in the shadow of the huge Border HQ. He even saw the sector C and that jungle-of-a-park. Sector C wasn't the only damaged district – pretty much every sector near the center of the forbidden zone were equally torn to shreds. Edges of the zone were much better with standing buildings and other structures that could be utilized in combat.

Someone cleared their throat behind Miwa. It was not needed, since creaking of the door hinges was enough to announce the comer, but it was still a considerate gesture. Though even more considerate gesture would've been to turn around and disappear back inside – Miwa didn't want to socialize with anyone at the moment. Especially not with _him_.

"Figured you'd be here. Can I come?" Yuichi Jin said, a statement shaped as a question without being a real question at all. A bag of those disgusting fried rice crackers of his rattled as it was pushed into pocket.

"No", Miwa answered even though he knew it was for naught.

"Thanks." Jin's tone downright radiated laid-backness as came to stand next to him.

Miwa didn't turn to face him. He kept staring at his feet that dangled over the edge over the dizzying height. The height hadn't bothered him for a long time now though.

"What do you want?" Miwa snapped. "For me to safe your precious protegée's ass again?" He let out a dry laugh as he reminisced the last time Jin had come to him on the roof. It had been a manifestation of the power of Jin's side effect and what kind of control it gave to him, and Miwa, along with other agents, had been moved around like some goddamned chess pieces.

"Nope."

The carefreeness of Jin's tone made Miwa's blood boil. He turned to face the man, who stood relaxed gazing at the horizon.

"Then what?" He spat out like the words were poisoned. Miwa was easily irritated – but Jin held the record of making him snap the moment he walked in. Many Border agents often speculated the reasons behind Miwa's burning hate for the self-dubbed "power elite". Everyone knew that Jin had his weird quirks and was generally quite annoying, but he was still held in high respect due to his seniority and significant skill. And he was pretty much friends with anyone, no matter of the rank. It was difficult for many to understand how anyone could hate Jin _that much_.

Jin held his hands up in surrender, but his trademark smirk never left his face. "I just want to talk. I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time at the forbidden zone."

Miwa gritted his teeth and turned back to look down at the huge drop. It should've fazed him even a little – the HQ-building was so tall that falling off was extremely dangerous even in trion body. You would be extremely lucky if you only ended up in hospital. Without a trigger, you would just feel wind thrusting at your face and blood rushing inside your veins before slamming into your final destination. Miwa was there, legs dangling over the edge without any safety measures. But it didn't bother him.

Jin cleared his throat a little. Miwa heard him shifting on his feet.

"Have you gone to… That place?" Jin asked after a little silence, unchacterically silent.

Miwa just huffed. "You should know, shouldn't you?"

There was a short pause again, especially unusual for Jin. But soon Jin chuckled. "You haven't. I don't need my side effect to see that."

Miwa kind of wanted to ask the point of the conversation, but that would've meant keeping the conversation alive.

"Great, now fuck off", he said instead.

Didn't Jin have some neighbors to hug? Some invaders to welcome? Some weak crybabies to beat in shape? There was no real reason for Jin to be there. Unless… Jin had seen something. _A possibility_.

Miwa's whole spine froze. Suddenly, the drop below him started to look much longer. Miwa scrambled off the edge and marched past Jin. Door slammed shut behind him as he rushed to the stars. Hand held over his mouth he tried to control his breathing, to stop the cold feeling that spread inside of him.

_He had already gone through that crap. He wouldn't consider it anymore. He had his squad, he had Border..._

Truth was that situations were changeable. And it did terrify him.

**...**

The following night was even worse than usually. He barely got a wink of sleep, and when he did, the scenery was back in front of him like a Border battle simulation: his only sister's lifeless form slowly bleeding to the cold hard ground.

_There's nothing we can do for her._

_She's already gone._

_Come on._

_It's not safe out here._

_I'm sorry._

_She's gone._

Dozens arms grabbed him, trying to pull him away. He tried to hold on, but couldn't get a good hold of the ground, slippery from blood. He was pulled away, as more and more trion soldiers flooded the streets.

Acceptance was more difficult than swallowing glass. He knew she was dead, he knew where her grave was located, he knew the exact spot she had died in – he had been present there, helpless and desperate.

Even worse were the dreams that were from time before the invasion. Every time he succumbed to sleep he felt himself disconnect from the reality, and for a few seconds at time he could feel his family being still intact. And then he tore himself free from the delusion, back into his dark room, gasping for air, his skin clammy from cold sweat.

Wiping his hair that was plastered to his forehead he sat up, shivering from cold. He had his alarm clock set at 5am anyway, so it didn't matter if he got up 3 hours earlier.

He decided to take a little walk.

In forbidden zone, In his trion form. As you do when you want to think without the disturbance of the nightlife of the city.

He could feel the rush of power inside of him as he activated his trigger, and just like that he was leaping over the roofs, almost flying through the dark, abandoned suburban. There was no lighting, but his trion form granted him a perfect night vision. Also, the trion form made his steps always little lighter, no matter how much weight he carried. So it did with his heart too. Trion flowed steadily through it, bumping more energy to his body with every beat, the rhythm so steady, so _alive_.

Miwa arrived to the park where long grass swayed silently in the night breeze. He stood there, under a huge tree that used to offer shadow for the parents watching their children play.

He let out a deep sigh and dropped down leaning to the trunk.

He never went past the park in sector C. He had been successfully avoiding any missions located there, though he knew that if ordered, he wouldn't have a right to refuse. But as long as he could, he would stay away. He wouldn't set his foot to that place. That certain street.

That's where his house was. Had been. Now it was just a pile of construction material. Also, that's where his sister was maimed to death by overlarge, remote control insect with spikes and armor and an appearance of a something that has crawled it's way straight out of the deepest pits of Hell.

His family never recovered from that. How could they? How could anyone?

He turned his back and walked away. He could do a few rounds of solo training and plan some new combat strategies before the rest of his squad arrived around 7am. He hadn't gotten nearly any sleep, but he had gone through days with even less. He was sure he could just do it again.

**...**

When the world started to form back around him, his eyes fluttered open to reveal the roof of his own squad room. He felt numb all around. His head pounded. Miwa sat up, trying to steady his rapidly spinning vision. Something had happened, but he couldn't exactly focus his mind to it. His thoughts were all blur, it took a while to even recognize the time of the day.

He pushed the blanket off and let his gaze circle around the squad room. He spotted Yosuke, sitting on a nearby armchair with a startled expression, phone almost dropping from his hand.

"What happened?" Miwa asked, his speech still little bit slurred and his tongue heavy.

"Are you okay?" Yosuke asked in return, putting his phone away.

"Yeah." Miwa massaged his temples. "I'm f-"

"No, seriously. Are you okay? You're not gonna faint or puke or anything?" Yosuke's tone was uncharacteristically serious. His stern gaze held not a glimpse of his usual smile.

Miwa stared at him. "I'm fine."

Yosuke let out a deep sigh and sunk to the sof backrest, folding his arms behind his head. "What happened was that you collapsed in a meeting. Not very epic."

"Oh." It all came back to him. He had crashed in the worst possible place – in a meeting hall with the commanders and all A-rank captains present. Not very epic indeed. First all speech and sounds had started to blur. Next one to go had been his vision. Then the unceremonious fall from his chair. And then the awkward silence and the blurry memories of him being half carried back to his squad room.

"Oh fuck." Miwa rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And the meeting?"

"Narasaka went to fill in for you."

Miwa sighted and leaned his head to his arms, pulling his knees close. He hadn't gotten through even half a day. Damn he was slipping.

"There's this pattern I recognize. Again", Yosuke's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I know." Miwa's fists clenched tightly. "I know."

**...**

Miwa skipped the defence duty without a fight. His feet carried him to the roof. He didn't sat on the edge like usually, but on the floor leaning to the railing, facing the door instead of the view below. Small droplets of rain dripped around the roof, but it didn't really bother him as he could barely feel it soaking through the hood pulled over his head.

"The last time here… Did you see something?" Miwa asked, his voice almost swallowed by wind.

If Jin was going to loiter around him like a indelible stain, he might as well confirm a thing that had been bothering him since the last time.

Jin stayed silent for perhaps the first time in history, just leaning to the railing arms crossed. The rain didn't bother him as he was wearing his trion form.

Miwa let out a huff. "Nevermind. Just-"

"I saw a possibility", Jin finally said. "Not a clear vision, but a possibility."

Miwa had thought the confirmation would startle him. Yesterday, one different action, one different choice of path could have lead to something irreversible. Instead, he just raised his stern gaze to meet with Jin's.

"And what do you see now?"

"A possibility."

Miwa clenched his teeth and shook his head. "That's not gonna happen." His voice lacked conviction so much that nobody would possibly believe him. But Jin seemed to do.

"That's very good to hear. I'm relieved." A wide smile spread back to Jin's face. Even though it felt little forced, it was still more natural than seeing Jin so bleak and serious. "Yeah, that's very good." He rubbed his neck, letting out and awkward laugh. "Guess power elites and possibilities are sometimes wrong too, yanno."

Miwa had always wanted to prove Jin's side effect defective, but he knew that wasn't the case this time. And Jin seemingly knew that too - why else would he have dwelled there at the roof without a sign of moving before Miwa did?

_Well damn_. Guess he should just go back down and erase every lasting bit of that possibility. He got up without a word and walked past Jin, sneakers squelching on the wet roof. Jin made no move nor followed him with his gaze. But his smile never faltered.

"Things will get better. Slowly, but they will."

Miwa didn't look back, but he knew this was usually the moment when Jin flashed his trademark grin and pointed at his temple.

"My side effect tells me so."

_There it was_. Miwa let out huff and shook his head a little, but didn't slam the door. Jin's side effect was the most bizarre thing – it was something strange, something incomprehensible, but most of the times it had proven itself correct. Most of the times. As much as it striked irritation in Miwa, he still felt a little bit reassured by it. And tried to deny that the moment the thought popped into his head.

He wasn't going to let Jin have the satisfaction of being right. _Again_. Because the damn guy already knew and was probably smirking into his collar.

**...**

As his blade slid through the armor of a trion soldier, he truly felt alive. Trion fired through his veins and energy crisscrossed inside his body like fireworks. He grabbed his pistol, shot a couple precise bullets into the next target and finished it of with a quick slash of sword.

All enemies were down. Yosuke offered an enthusiastic fist bump and Miwa complied. The snipers of the squad leapt off the roofs to reunite with them.

"Whose turn is to write the report?" Yosuke asked, leaning his spear over his shoulders.

"Kodera's", Narasaka said, and the person in question groaned.

Yosuke clapped Kodera sympathetically on the back. "Well, better get to it, so you'll be done by nightfall." Normally the reports were short and pithy, but if two huge gates opened on the same sector, Border wanted to know _every single detail_.

The snipers threw their rifles over their shoulders and headed to the HQ. Miwa stayed slightly behind.

"Hey, Yosuke, would you mind coming with me for a sec? There's something I really want to do."

Yosuke looked confused for a second, but then he shook his expression back to his normal grin, "Yeah, of course."

They walked in silence. Yosuke asked no questions as they crossed the invisible border to the sector C. They walked to the park and waded through it. They went right past the big three to the ruined residential area.

Miwa wondered if Jin had seen this happening. Probably, at least as a possibility. It never ceased to confound him how Jin kept a track on everything he saw during the day. Wasn't it exhausting? Knowing much more about the person than that person had ever let on? Many agents of Border had skeletons hidden deeply in their closets – and Jin probably knew everything.

Miwa let out a sigh as he laid his eyes to the view before. He could remember the yards and the grass cut with a precision of a millimeter. The fancy car of their neighbor and the friendly cat that roamed around fishing for pets and snacks.

He recognized his own house perfectly, even when there was pretty much nothing left of it. Then there was their little driveway. 4 years had worn out the blood from the asphalt. But he knew the spot.

"This is the place", Miwa said, struggling to keep his voice calm. "Right there. Right there my…"

A hand landed softly on his shoulder. Yosuke didn't say anything nor Miwa turned to look at him, but the simple gesture still conveyed more than a thousand words.

Miwa took a deep breath and took a step closer to his house. He let his hand rest on the remains of their iron front gate. His fist clenched around a bar.

"Trigger off."

The trion in his veins was sucked quickly back to his heart, and his uniform and sheathed weapons crumbled off leaving with his very normal, human body. A body that bled when struck with a sword or a claw of an interdimensional monster. A body that couldn't repair itself in seconds when losing a limb or wasn't able to withstand a weight of a collapsing building.

Yosuke had an alarming expression. "Um, Shuji, you shouldn't-"

"Just for a little while, ok."

He took off his red scarf and wrapped it around the gate pillar. He secured the knot tightly and took a few steps back.

His body felt incredibly heavy. He fought back the urge to collapse on his knees and bang his fists to the dusty ground. He didn't feel like sobbing or mourning – what he wanted, no, needed right now, was to thrust his kogetsu through as many trion soldiers as the whole fucking multiverse held.

Miwa reactivated his trigger. He felt the immediate change – his body, his hear, his mind – all little easier to bear. He was no longer that helpless child that couldn't do more than just cry when the enemy is closing in. Now he was able to fight – and damn, he fought. Everyday, every way – he would keep going until there was not a single enemy left.

Miwa let out a huff to collect his thoughts. "Let's head back. Kodera will be needing help with that report."

They walked again in silence. They could get to the HQ just in seconds by using the BAIL OUT -function, or they could use the roofs as a shortcut, but neither of them were in particular hurry to get to writing a novel about their every single movement through their decency duty shift.

A familiar alarm cut through the silence. Black lightning struck the ground just about 20 meters to their side, and a dark gate spread open. A white shell of a Bamster pushed through the gate and dropped to the ground, crushing an iron park bench. Two of it's kind followed through.

Miwa immediately drew his sword and flashed a rare smile at Yosuke. "Let's kill these fuckers."

He hated them, he abominated them. But all that hatred, all that anger; they were a part of him. He knew he lost focus often because of them and took reckless actions. They were handicap, but also held a big part of keeping him on the lane. Keeping his mind at his goal.

That's why the possibilities Jin had seen were wrong. Miwa wasn't about to let go just yet – after all, he couldn't fly before building wings first.

When they both charged in unison, he truly felt it – his steps _were _lighter.

* * *

Thank you for reading this incoherent brain piece of mine. I appreciate all feedback, please help me learn to write better in English!


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